1915

Araby

[1st VERSE:]
Tonight I'm dreaming of Araby
That's where my dreams seem to carry me
Where ev'rything is Oriental
And ev'ryone is sentimental
There in the shade of the shelt'ring palms
I met a maiden fair
I long to hold her gently in my arms
Oh, how I wish I was there

[REFRAIN:]
Araby, when shades of night appear 
I seem to hear you calling
Araby, you seem to beckon and I reckon 
I'll be hurrying back again

Seems to me
A maiden's face appears 
I see her tears are falling
Falling because I left her there

That's why I long to be 
Where all those happy faces
Wait for me
Beside the fair oasis

Soon, you'll see
Within a caravan
An Arab man will take me
Over the desert back to Araby

[2nd VERSE:]
Someday you'll find me in Araby
Where someone's waiting to marry me
I can't forget the day we parted
She said I left her broken hearted
I helped her on to a camel's back
Before she rode away
She made me promise that I would come back
I'll keep my promise someday


Cohen Owes Me Ninety-Seven Dollars

[1st VERSE:]
Old man Rosenthal lay sick in bed
Soon the doctor came around and said
"No use crying, the man is dying.  He can't live very long!"
"Send my son here to my side," they heard the old man say
"I've got something to tell him before I pass away"
Soon his son was sitting by his bed
"What's the matter, Papa dear?" he said
The old man said, "My son, before my days are done
I want you to know:

[REFRAIN:]
Cohen owes me ninety-seven dollars
And it's up to you to see that Cohen pays
I sold a lot of goods to Rosenstein and Sons 
On an I.O.U. for ninety days
Levi brothers don't get any credit
They owe me for one hundred yards of lace
If you promise me, my son, you'll collect from ev'ry one
I can die with a smile on my face"

[2nd VERSE:]
Old man Rosenthal is better now
He just simply wouldn't die somehow
He is healthy and very wealthy since he got out of bed
Such a change you never saw, he's got such rosy cheeks
He picks up in just one week what should take weeks and weeks 
Ev'ryone who knew that he was sick
Couldn't tell how he got well so quick
They went and asked him to explain how he pulled through
Rosenthal replied:

[2nd REFRAIN:]
Cohen owed me ninety-seven dollars
And my son went out and made poor Cohen pay
A bill was owed to me by Rosenstein and Sons 
And they settled on that very day
What could my son do with all that money
If I should leave it all and say goodbye?
It's all right to pass away, but when people start to pay
That's no time for a bus'nessman to die


I Love to Stay at Home

[1st VERSE:]
I don't go out nights
I'm not about nights
I'll tell you why I never roam
I love my home, so cozy
The dizzy night life may be the right life
But I don't like that kind of fun
At night when my work is done

[REFRAIN:]
I just love to stay at home in the evening
When the winter nights are cold
I love to sit around the fire harmonizing
"Darling, I am growing old"
While Mother darns my father's woolen hosiery
He's telling yarns of how he fought in "sixty-three"
I don't envy the cocktail sippers
Give me my carpet slippers
For I love to stay at home

[2nd VERSE:]
My cousin Mary
She's a canary
Each night she sings the Rosary
It sounds to me like Melba
When Uncle Louie who looks like Dewey
Recites "The picture on the wall"
It's simply Heaven, that's all


I'm Going Back to the Farm

[1st VERSE:]
Down into town with a grip on his arm
Boob, Mister Rube landed in from the farm
He came to see if the farmer was right who said 
"This is the life"
Soon like a loon, he was dancing about
One week of fun had him all tired out
They asked him what he thought of the city
And they heard old Reuben shout

[REFRAIN:]
Dancing around till the break of the day
Never was meant for a Reuben or a Jay
I've seen it all and I'm ready to say
I'm going back to the farm
Cabaret life is an awful disgrace
I've checked my hat till I'm blue in the face
I've handed out a fortune for a
Prince Albert and an old Fedora
I love the cows and chickens
The chickens you love to eat
Not those you have to treat
I'm going back to the farm

[2nd VERSE:]
Si said goodbye for he couldn't remain
Thought that he ought to be taking a train
Glad that he had just enough for a ticket to 
Take him back home
When home again all the neighbors appeared
Ate until late, when the table was cleared
He told them what he thought of the city 
As he gently milked his beard

[2nd REFRAIN:]
Dancing around till the break of the day
Never was meant for a Reuben or a Jay
I've seen it all and I'm ready to say
I'm going back to the farm
Cabaret life is an awful disgrace
I've checked my hat till I'm blue in the face
I went to wash my hands with water
I had to give the boy a quarter
What good are Broadway chickens
With beautiful fancy legs
'Less they can lay some eggs
I'm going back to the farm


My Bird of Paradise

[1st VERSE:]
In Honolulu, far away
A maiden who could not be gay
Is feeling so much better
Since she received a letter
From her Hawaiian lover came
A little tender note
She's so excited and so delighted
For this is what he wrote

[REFRAIN:]
Wait for me
My Honolulu girl
My hula-hula girl
I'm coming back to you
That sunny sky land
Hawaiian Island
Will soon be my land
I hear a Ukalele strumming gaily
In my dreams
You seem to say to me 
Come back and play to me
That melody oh, so nice!
So if you love me still 
My things I'll pack again
Then I'll be coming back again
To you, my Bird of Paradise

[2nd VERSE:]
In Honolulu, by the sea
A maiden's waiting patiently
And as a ship goes past her
Her little heart beats faster
He'll soon be landing at the pier
She's waiting for the boat
He won't forget her for in his letter
Her sweet Hawaiian wrote


Si's Been Drinking Cider

[1st VERSE:]
"What's the matter?  What's the matter?" shouted Farmer Brown
As he saw a crowd of people rushing thro' the town
"Is the town on fire or has someone met their death?"
One old Rube looked up at him and cried all out of breath

[1st REFRAIN:]
Si's been drinking cider and he's acting like a fool
Take his wife and hide her for he's liable to treat her cru'l
He's acting mighty gay, he gave his Ingersoll away
Oh! oh! oh! oh!  What will the neighbors say?
He told a naughty story to the Parson in the hall
Parson knew the answer so he didn't laugh at all
The constable and sheriff have locked him in the barn
But Si's been drinking cider
So he don't give a good gosh darn

[2nd VERSE:]
Hiram Perkins heard the news and my but he was vexed
Mumbled to himself "I wonder what will happen next?"
Told his wife that right before she rang the dinner bell
"No use talking, Mary Jane, the country's gone to hell"

[2nd REFRAIN:]
Si's been drinking cider and he's acting like a fool
Take his wife and hide her for he's liable to treat her cru'l
He's acting mighty gay, he gave his Ingersoll away
Oh! oh! oh! oh!  What will the neighbors say?
He told an untrue story of a chicken with one leg
Drinking boiling water and it laid a hard-boiled egg
The sheriff won't believe it, he claims that it's a yarn
But Si's been drinking cider
And he don't give a good gosh darn


Voice of Belgium, The

[1st VERSE:]
There's a land where hearts are aching and eyes are wet with tears
It's the land where hearts start breaking when the smoke of battle clears
There's a voice that seems to haunt me when the shades of night appear
'Tis the mournful voice of Belgium ringing in my ear

[REFRAIN:]
I hear the voice of Belgium calling far across the sea
I speak of wives and mothers waiting patiently
I hear the cries of children praying, sad as they could be
I can hear them say, "Please, send my Daddy back to me"

[2nd VERSE:]
Hear a voice that rings with sorrow, it mournfully imparts
That the news of each tomorrow means a thousand broken hearts
See a hand stretch'd out for mercy with a plea to every man
'Tis the call for help from Belgium - answer, if you can


When I Leave the World Behind

[1st VERSE:]
I know a millionaire
Who's burdened down with care
A load is on his mind
He's thinking of the day
When he must pass away
And leave his wealth behind
I haven't any gold
To leave when I grow old
Somehow it passed me by
I'm very poor but still
I'll leave a precious will
When I must say good-bye

[REFRAIN:]
I'll leave the sunshine to the flowers
I'll leave the springtime to the trees

And to the old folks, I'll leave the mem'ries
Of a baby upon their knees

I'll leave the night time to the dreamers
I'll leave the songbirds to the blind

I'll leave the moon above
To those in love
When I leave the world behind

[2nd VERSE:]
To every wrinkled face
I'll leave a fireplace
To paint their fav'rite scene
Within the golden rays
Scenes of their childhood days
When they were sweet sixteen
I'll leave them each a song
To sing the whole day long
As toward the end they plod
To ev'ry broken heart
With sorrow torn apart
I'll leave the love of God


When You're Down in Louisville (Call on Me)

[1st VERSE:]
Goodbye, ev'rybody, I'm on my way to Louisville
I feel, oh, so happy I hardly can keep still
Although my home is very small, I invite you all
If you will come, you'll be welcome any time you call

[REFRAIN:]
Don't forget Don't forget
When you're down in Louisville Louisville, Louisville
Just call around, I'll be found in the town directory

I'll have the table set
No fancy dishes
But the things you get
Will all be delicious 
And you're just as welcome as can be

When you get there, take a Jitney bus
Call on us
I'll have you see the family
If you're ever so lucky to be down in Kentucky
Don't forget to stop at Louie, Louie, Louisville
And call on me

[2nd VERSE:]
Listen, ev'rybody, we've got the fairest women there
Lovely dispositions and locks of golden hair
They've got complexions like the rose, ev'rybody knows 
Nature made them, we parade them dressed in simple clothes


While the Band Played an American Rag

[1st VERSE:]
I had a wonderful dream last night
I never saw such a lovely sight
I dreamt that the warring nations were at a ball
There wasn't anyone talking fight
They realized that it wasn't right
And this is just what I noticed in the hall

[REFRAIN:]
The King of England danced
With the President of France
The Crown Prince of Germany 
Danced with the King of Hungary
They all laid down their swords
While the different Dukes and Lords
All shouted "We don't want any more talk of war talk"
They started drinking to each other like brothers
They drank a toast to each other's flag
The Russian Czar said to the Kaiser
"Let's drink some Budweiser"
Then he shook his hand while a German band
Played an American rag

[2nd VERSE:]
The Russian Czar wet his lips with wine
And started whistling the "Wacht am Rhein"
The Kaiser sang "Tipperary" without a pause
They kept it up till the break of day
Then when they started to go away
The whole world rang out with gladness just because


1916

Friars Parade, The

[1st VERSE:]
Hear the sound of shuffling feet
On the pavements of the street
Look up the Avenue
Hear that shout, tell me haven't you
Heard about the Friars coming into town
Ev'rybody come on down

[REFRAIN:]
Come and see the Friars
Here they come, here they come
See that mob go marching four in a row
On the job to give a wonderful show
Look at those live wires
In their dusters arrayed
Just hear that snappy rhythm
From the band
Come on and march right with 'em
Understand
You'll see the best show ever played
If you follow the Friars parade

[2nd VERSE:]
See those "coppers" on the track
Holding ev'rybody back
They've stopped the trolley cars
To make room for a hundred stars
Like a broom they'll sweep the town of all dull care
Ev'rybody should be there


He's Getting Too Darn Big for a One-Horse Town

[1st VERSE:]
Hiram Perkins sittin' by the fire
Talking to his wife
Hollered out, "Now look-a here, Maria
A farmer's life was never meant for our son
The boy is almost twenty-one
I've been closely watching him of late
And something's gotta be done"

[REFRAIN:]
He's getting too darn big for a small town
He ought to be in New York
He has seen a champagne cork
He's even eating with his fork
He knows at least a dozen of "troopers"
He's got a tie from Siegel and Cooper's
And his name stamped on the inside of his hat
Think-a that, think-a that!
Down there on Broadway is the place where he belongs
He knows "Bedelia" and the other latest songs
He's got a watch with an open crystal
And a walking cane with a pistol
He's getting too darn big for a one-horse town

[2nd VERSE:]
Hiram Perkins bought a railroad ticket
On the B. and O.
When they warned him New York town was wicked
He said, "I know, but then my boy can hold his own
Of late he's actin' too high-tone'
Why, he combs his hair three times a day
He even uses cologne"


I'm Down in Honolulu Looking Them Over

[1st VERSE:]
You know my Uncle Jeremiah
Who disappeared a month ago
We got a letter from Hawaii
And I declare, my uncle's there
The atmosphere set him on fire
It simply went right to his head
What do you think he wrote
In his little note?
This is what he said

[REFRAIN:]
I'm down in Honolulu looking them over
I'm down in Honolulu living in clover
Try and guess the way they dress
No matter what you think it is, it's even less
Their language is hard to understand because it's so tricky
I've got them teaching me to say "wicky wicky"
I don't know what it means but it's the best that ever was
And if it means just what I think it does
I'll be in Honolulu looking them over for a long, long time

[2nd VERSE:]
My brother said "It's very nifty
Our Uncle's got the right idea"
Although my brother's very thrifty
He sent a wire to Jeremiah
He said "I'll go you fifty fifty
With ev'ry Hula girl you see"
My brother nearly died
Uncle just replied
Please don't bother me


I'm Not Prepared

[1st VERSE:]
Jack McCoy, a soldier boy
Was taken from the battle wounded
A pretty red cross nurse
Was there to see that he wouldn't get worse
From the start she won his heart
So when he started to get better
He called her to his side
And in a pleading voice he cried

[REFRAIN:]
Don't make me love you because I'm not prepared
My heart is weak and I'm a trifle scared
Oh, can't you see I'm in a bad condition
With no ammunition
So please don't attack me with those bewitching eyes
Each time your fingers touch my wrist, I can't resist
I fear that I must surrender
You've got me in your power
I'm weak'ning ev'ry hour
For when I gaze into your great big eyes
It seems my temp'rature begins to rise
Please don't make me love you
Because I'm not prepared

[2nd VERSE:]
Jack cried out, "There is no doubt
If you continue your attack, dear
You'll soon capture my fort
Then I'll be left with a wife to support
That won't do, I'm warning you
It won't be easy for your Jack, dear
To raise a family
Upon a soldier's salary"


I've Got a Sweet Tooth Bothering Me

[1st VERSE:]
"Take me to the dentist right away"
Shouted little Johnny Jones one day

I've got a tooth that's hurting me and I simply can't delay
In about an hour he was there
Standing right beside the dentist's chair
And when they sat him inside
To the dentist, Johnny cried:

[REFRAIN:]
I've got a sweet tooth bothering me
Pull it out!  Pull it out!  Pull it out!
It isn't candy or molasses
It isn't honey, jam or cake
But when a sweet young lady passes
My tooth begins to ache
Like the dickens
I don't use sugar at all in my coffee or my tea
But when I meet Rosie, Flo or May
My wisdom tooth says, "Keep away!"
But my sweet tooth starts bothering me

[2nd VERSE:]
Johnny hollered out, "There's no one home
In the second story of my dome
Except a thousand ladies fair and it's like a honeycomb
Ev'ry night when I sit down to eat
First I have my oysters, soup and meat
And then my fav'rite dessert
Is the rustle of a skirt


In Florida Among the Palms

[1st VERSE:]
Everybody sings of the sunny South
That's the song that clings to the singer's mouth
They ragtime it and boost the climate
Way up to the sky
I
Never cared a lot for the Swanee shore
There's another spot that I'm rooting for
I've been there and I must declare
It can't be praised too high

[REFRAIN:]
If I had my way, I'd always stay 
In Florida among the palms
With its peaceful air of "I don't care"
And lazy atmosphere that calms
My one favorite haunt
Is a palm tree, and all I want
Is someone just to rest in my arms
I'd love to live among the bamboo huts, the cocoanuts
There's something in the climate that charms
Heaven's corridor is sunny Florida
Home of the shelt'ring palms

[2nd VERSE:]
Florida was named very prettily
By the man who claimed its discovery
He spent hours among the flowers 
And called it "God's Land"
And
Nature seems to sigh "it's my favorite"
That's the reason why Heaven gave her it
It was born from a diamond worn 
Upon an Angel's hand


Someone Else May Be There While I'm Gone

[1st VERSE:]
I left my darling 
The other day
We started quarr'ling
I went away
But now I wish that I was back
I love my baby
Indeed I do
And who knows maybe
She loves me too
But that's just maybe
And that won't do

[REFRAIN:]
All that worries me
Is someone else may be there while I'm gone

In my dreams I see
A couple spooning on the lawn

That very thought
Just keeps me worried
I lay awake till the break of dawn

I must hurry back
'Cause someone else may be there while I'm gone

[2nd VERSE:]
I'm wild about her
That's why I'm blue
I hate to doubt her
The way I do
I may be wrong, I may be right
Altho' I worry 
An awful lot
If I should hurry
Back to the spot
She may be waiting
She may be not



When the Black Sheep Returns to the Fold

[1st VERSE:]
When the robin returns to its nest
After straying away from the rest
There's a welcome that waits
From its feathery mates
A welcome that can't be expressed
So it is with the boy who decided 
From his father and mother to roam
Through his travels he may be misguided
But when fin'lly the black sheep comes home

[REFRAIN:]
Ev'rything that he did is forgotten
And they welcome him back to the fold
He knows by their sad, wrinkled faces
That the pain of his absence has told
Once again, they all sit 'round the table
As they did in the days of old
And they'll weep tears of joy
As they whisper "My Boy"
When the black sheep returns to the fold

[2nd VERSE:]
When the smile of a fool starts to fade
When he finds out the errors he made
Then the old-fashioned truth 
That he heard in his youth
Says, "Go home," but he is afraid
As he stands on the threshold of sorrow
With the doors of the world closed up tight
He compares yesterday with tomorrow
And decides that he'll go home that night


It Takes an Irishman to Make Love

[1st VERSE:]
It takes a German to make Lager Beer
It takes the French to make wine
It takes a pale-faced man from old Japan
To make a nice embroidered fan
It takes a Turk to make the cigarettes
For you American men
It takes a black-eyed Hawaiian lad
To make ukeleles, but then

[REFRAIN:]
It takes an Irishman to make love
It seems to fit them just like a glove

I know you money-makers are here in New York
But all the heart breakers are over in Cork

It is not the things that they do
But how they do them fascinates you

And when it comes to kissing sure they stand alone
For years they've practiced on the blarney stone

And you'll discover that the world's great lover
Came from Ireland

[2nd VERSE:]
You've heard them sing in all their Irish songs
"Ireland fell from the skies"
And I believe it's true, their eyes of blue
Are little bits of Heaven too
Talk of your gentlemen from foreign lands
And the polite things they do
But it's the honey-toned Irish voice
That steals the heart right out of you