1919

Everything is Rosy Now for Rosie

[1st VERSE:]
Hear the dicky birds singing
What a beautiful song
Serenading a couple
See them strolling along
Hear them talking it over
Hear them naming the day
The little chappy looks happy
Listen, can't you hear him say

[REFRAIN:]
Ev'rything is rosy now for Rosie
Ev'rything is rosy now for me

The bells are pealing
Oh, what a feeling
The future looks so flowery

There's a little cottage nice and cosy
Ev'rything was paid for C.O.D.

Now Rosie's busy with her wedding duds
Soon there'll be a lot of baby buds
Hanging 'round my Rosie and me

[2nd VERSE:]
Hear the wedding bells ringing
With a lovely ding dong
Hear the choir boys singing
What a beautiful song
Hear the minister saying
Honor, love and obey
They're all in clover, it's over
Listen to the bridegroom say


Eyes of Youth

[1st VERSE:]
There's a wonderful glow in the eyes of youth
As over the crystal she bends
For she's anxious to know what the eyes of youth
Will see when her journey ends

[REFRAIN:]
Gazing in the future
Through the eyes of youth

Wond'ring what awaits
Behind the mystic gates

Will she find a bluebird
When she learns the truth

Or will the years bring sadness and tears 
To the eyes of youth

[2nd VERSE:]
May the finger of Fate point the crimson way
And guide her to happiness soon
May it open the gate to a perfect day
That ends with a honeymoon


Hand That Rocked My Cradle Rules My Heart, The

[VERSE:]
How can I ever pay the debt I owe you
Mother o' mine, Mother o' mine
What is there I could ever do to show you
How much I love you
Mother o' mine

[REFRAIN:]
I kiss the hand, the wrinkled hand
That rocked my cradle in babyland

A mem'ry lingers of byegone years
When gentle fingers would dry my tears

Her face will ever be my guiding light
She'll whisper tenderly "Turn to the right"

No harm can come to me by day or night
For the hand that rocked my cradle rules my heart

[2nd VERSE:]
Close to my side you stand what e'er betide me
Mother o' mine, Mother o' mine
How can I come to harm with you beside me
Ever to guide me
Mother o' mine


I Left My Door Open and My Daddy Walked Out

[1st VERSE:]
What'll I do?  What'll I do?
I'm just as sad as can be
Something awful happened to me
What'll I do?  What'll I do?
I'm in a terrible plight
Like a great big fool I did 
A very silly thing last night

[REFRAIN:]
I left my door open and my daddy walked out
Without a doubt
Worried am I
Wondering why
He never stopped to say "goodbye"
I can't live without my lovin' daddy about
That's why I shout
He must come back or I'll lose my mind
A good man's mighty hard to find
He must have some lovin' now and then
Maybe that will bring him back again
I'm gonna keep my door wide open
Till my daddy comes back

[2nd VERSE:]
What'll I do?  What'll I do?
I'm in a terrible rage
Like a bird, he flew from his cage
Daddy of mine, send me a line
Say that you'll come back to me
When you do I'll lock the door 
And try my best to lose the key


I Lost My Heart in Dixieland

[1st VERSE:]
I'm always losing something ev'ryplace I go
Just why, I don't know
And it worries me so
Last year I lost a diamond ring that used to shine
And the other day while trav'ling
Below the Mason-Dixon line

[REFRAIN:]
I lost my heart in Dixieland
Where the cotton grows
And the Swanee flows

I lingered long enough to see 
That a home in Dixie
Would appeal to me

There's something real
About the people there
They make you feel 
So welcome ev'rywhere

I went out walking with a Tennessee Kid
She kissed me and the minute she did
I lost my heart in Dixieland

[2nd VERSE:]
I'm going back to Dixie and look for my heart
You and I must part
I'm all ready to start
Send all my mail to Dixie, that's where I am bound
I may stay down there forever
Because my heart may ne'er be found


I Never Knew

["Words by Elsie Janis, Music by Irving Berlin"]

[1st VERSE:] 
How short the days that we spent together
How long the hours since you went away
The world might still be a golden daydream
Had I known then what I know today

[REFRAIN:] 
I never knew
How much I loved you
I never knew
What love could mean

I never knew
I would regret dear
The Golden Days
That might have been

I never knew
I could be lonely
I never knew
I could feel blue

I never knew
How much I'd want you
Until I knew someone else wanted you

[2nd VERSE:] 
We miss the flow'rs when the snow is falling
We miss the sun when the skies are grey
The sweetest dream soon becomes a mem'ry
A golden mem'ry of yesterday


I've Got My Captain Working for Me Now

[1st VERSE:] 
Johnny Jones was a first class private 
In the army last year 
Now he's back to bus'ness in his father's place 
Sunday night I saw him with a smiling face 
When I asked why he felt so happy 
Johnny chuckled with glee 
He winked his eye and made this reply: 
"Something wonderful has happened to me" 

[REFRAIN:] 
I've got the guy who used to be my Captain working for me 
He wanted work so I made him a clerk in my father's factory 
And bye and bye I'm gonna have him wrapped in work up to his brow 
I make him open the office ev'ry morning at eight 
I come around about four hours late 
Ev'rything comes to those who wait 
I've got my Captain working for me now 

[2nd VERSE:] 
He's not worth what I have to pay him 
But I'll never complain 
I've agreed to give him fifty dollars per 
It's worth twice as much to hear him call me "Sir" 
While I sit in my cosy office 
He's outside working hard 
Out in the hall at my beck and call 
With a feather duster standing on guard 

[2nd REFRAIN:] 
I've got the guy who used to be my Captain working for me 
He wanted work so I made him a clerk in my father's factory 
And bye and bye I'm gonna have him wrapped in work up to his brow 
When I come into the office he gets up on his feet
Stands at attention and gives me his seat 
Who was it said "revenge is sweet" 
I've got my Captain working for me now 

[alternate REFRAIN:]
I've got the guy who used to be my Captain working for me 
I gave him work where there's no chance to shirk
Hes as busy as a bee
And bye and bye I'm gonna have him wrapped in work up to his brow 
I had a small kitchen built in my Dad's factory
Now I have the Captain there doing K.P.
God has been awfully good to me
I've got my Captain working for me now 

[alternate lines:]
He stood at attention, called me "Sir"
He said, "I can't get along on twenty-five per"
I gave him a look and said "as you were"

[Some versions substitute 'beanery' for 'factory']


I Wonder

[1st VERSE:]
We talked it over
'Neath a cloudy sky
Love's dream was ended 
And we said goodbye
You decided just as I did
That it could not go on
I'm lonely for you only
And now that you are gone

[REFRAIN:]
I wonder
If you still remember
I wonder
If you could forget

I often wonder 
If it's really over
Or if you love me
Just a little bit yet

I wonder
If you ever miss me
I wonder
If you're ever blue

I wonder when
We'll meet again
And I wonder if you wonder too

[2nd VERSE:]
I miss the evenings 
That we spent alone
The sweet "good mornings"
On the telephone
How I yearn to just return to
The days beyond recall
And the kisses that you gave me
I miss them most of all


New Moon, The

[1st verse:]
Beneath a sky of gray
The lovers stroll along
The flow'rs have died away
The birds have hush'd their song
There's a teardrop in her eye
For he's come to say good-bye
He whispers "Dearie, don't you cry
For I won't be long"

[chorus:]
When the new moon is shining
I'm coming back to you
Clouds have a silvery lining
Soon the silver will be peeping thru
Angel hands will be mending 
A broken romance soon
They will bless us with a happy ending
'Neath the bright new moon

[2nd verse:]
The clouds will roll away
And then we'll meet again
A happy wedding day
Will dawn upon us then
Little sweetheart, don't you pine
Soon you'll see the new moon shine
A little patience, girl of mine
Till we meet again


Nobody Knows (And Nobody Seems to Care)

[1st VERSE:]
I'm sad and lonely
There's a good reason why
Nobody cares about me
That's why I'm sad as can be
I long for someone
Somebody, yes indeed
Lovin' kisses from one
Is exactly what I need


[REFRAIN:]
Many's the time I feel so lonesome
But nobody knows
And nobody cares

I've grown so tired of being by my "own-some"
I want somebody to hug
Cuddle and snug as comfy as a bug in a rug

Many's the time I feel like spooning
But nobody knows
And nobody cares

I guess I'll make out a little "ad"
That I want some lovin' so bad
'Cause nobody knows
And nobody seems to care

[2nd VERSE:]
I'd love a sweetie
Hanging around the place
Someone to worry about
I'd never want to go out
My home is gloomy
Nobody's there that's why
I feel "bride-and-groom-y"
Can't you see it in my eye


Sweeter Than Sugar (Is My Sweetie)

[1st VERSE:]
Listen to me, listen to me
I've got a whole lot to say
Listen to me, listen to me
Things have been coming my way
I met somebody
That's why I'm so happy today
Listen to me, listen to me
I want to holler and shout
Wait'll you see, wait'll you see
Wait'll you see me step out
With a load of charm 
On my arm
Well worth raving about

[REFRAIN:]
Sweeter than sugar is my Sweetie
Sweeter than honey or jam
So sweet is she that when she kisses me
I don't put sugar in my coffee or tea
Candy, molasses or sweet cookie
Sweeter than all of the three
I would have that sweet little soul
Living in a sugar bowl
Sweeter than sugar is my Sweetie
Sweet as a sweetie could be

[2nd VERSE:]
Listen to me, listen to me
She's such a sweet little pet
Listen to me, listen to me
Right from the moment we met 
My sweet tooth pained me
It hasn't stopped hurting me yet
Way out of town, way out of town
We'll spend the rest of our days
We'll settle down, we'll settle down
Just like a couple of Jays
We'll start raising Cain
Sugar cane
That's not all we'll raise


That Revolutionary Rag

[1st VERSE:]
Where the Russian breezes blow
There's a piece of calico
Ev'ry thread dyed in red
You can see it on a pole
Or in Trotsky's buttonhole
Long haired Russian foxes
Wave it from old soapboxes

[REFRAIN:]
That revolutionary rag
'Twas made across the sea 
By a tricky, slicky Bolsheviki

Run with your little money bag
Or else they'll steal it away, wheel it away
As they go raving, madly waving

That revolutionary rag
It's not a melody
It's a crimson flag

All the Royalties across the seas
Shake in their B.V.D.s 
When they see that revolutionary rag

[2nd VERSE:]
Little Mary Antoinette
Was a lovely queen you bet
Till one day, sad to say
From her window she could see
Little Miss Democracy
Mary's brain was whirling
When France began unfurling

[alternate lines in 2nd REFRAIN:]
All the Kings and Queens in foreign scenes
Know that they've spilled the beans
When they see that revolutionary rag


Was There Ever a Pal Like You?

[1st VERSE:]
Mother dear, it's lonely here without you
Days and nights are long, ev'rything goes wrong
All I seem to do is think about you
Dearest friend I knew
Oh, how I miss you

[REFRAIN:]
Was there ever a pal like you?
Was there ever a gal like you?

You taught me the right from the wrong way
You showed me the short from the long way

Was there ever a flow'r that grew
Half as pure as your heart so true?

They needed an angel in Heaven
So they sent for a pal like you

[2nd VERSE:]
Mother dear, my love for you grows dearer
Dearer day by day since you went away
Ev'ry day an angel draws us nearer
Just a while and then
We will meet again


Ziegfeld Follies of 1919

You'd Be Surprised

[Original version:]

[1st VERSE:]
Johnny was bashful and shy
Nobody understood why
Mary loved him
All the other girls passed him by
Ev'ryone wanted to know
How she could pick such a beau
With a twinkle in her eye
She made this reply

[1st REFRAIN:]
He's not so good in a crowd but when you get him alone
You'd be surprised
He isn't much at a dance but then when he takes you home
You'd be surprised

He doesn't look like much of a lover
But don't judge a book by it's cover
He's got the face of an Angel
But there's a Devil in his eye

He's such a delicate thing but when he starts in to squeeze
You'd be surprised
He doesn't look very strong but when you sit on his knee
You'd be surprised

At a party or at a ball
I've got to admit that he's nothing at all
But in a morris chair
You'd be surprised

[2nd VERSE:]
Mary continued to praise
Johnny's remarkable ways
To the ladies
And you know advertising pays
Now Johnny's never alone
He has the busiest phone
Almost ev'ry other day
A new girl will say

[2nd REFRAIN:]
He's not so good in the house but on a bench in the park
You'd be surprised
He isn't much in the light but when he gets in the dark
You'd be surprised

I know he looks as slow as the Erie
But you don't know the half of it, dearie
He looks as cold as an Eskimo
But there's fire in his eyes

He doesn't say very much but when he starts in to speak
You'd be surprised
He's not so good at the start but at the end of the week
You'd be surprised

On a streetcar or in a train
You'd think he was born without any brain
But in a taxicab
You'd be surprised


[Revised version:]
[1st VERSE:]
Johnny was bashful and shy
Nobody understood why
Mary loved him
All the other girls passed him by
Everyone wanted to know
How she could pick such a beau
With a twinkle in her eye
She made this reply

[1st REFRAIN:]
He's not so good in a crowd but when you get him alone
You'd be surprised
He isn't much at a dance but then when he takes you home
You'd be surprised

He doesn't look like much of a lover
But don't judge a book by it's cover
He's got the face of an angel
But there's a devil in his eyes

He's such a delicate thing but when he starts in to squeeze
You'd be surprised
He doesn't look very strong but when you sit on his knees
You'd be surprised

At a party or at a ball
I've got to admit that he's nothing at all
But in an easy chair
You'd be surprised

[2nd VERSE:]
Mary continued to praise
Johnny's remarkable ways
To the ladies
And you know advertising pays
Now Johnny's never alone
He has the busiest phone
Almost ev'ry other day
A new girl will say

[2nd REFRAIN:]
He's not so good in the house but on a bench in the park
You'd be surprised
He isn't much in the light but when he gets in the dark
You'd be surprised

I know he looks so slow and so weary
But you don't know the half of it, dearie
He looks as cold as an Eskimo
But there's a fire in his eyes

He doesn't say very much but when he starts in to speak
You'd be surprised
He's not so good at the start but at the end of the week
You'd be surprised

On a streetcar or on a train
You'd think he was born without any brain
But in a taxicab
You'd be surprised


Look Out For The Bolsheviki Man

[VERSE:]
Far across the ocean blue
There's a dang'rous boogy boo
He'll be after me and you
Bye and bye
He's as bad as he can be
When I spell his name you'll see
B-O-L-S-H-E-V-I-K-I

[REFRAIN:]
Look out for the Bolsheviki man
You can tell him any place by the whiskers on his face

He's a slippery fellow from Russia
Seeking fortune and fame
Be careful of his game
It's full of "bull" just like his name

So, look out for the Bolsheviki man
To the speeches that he makes tie a little can

He hasn't got a single sou
And he wants to share it all with you
Look out! Look out!
For the Bolsheviki Man


I'd Rather See A Minstrel Show

[VERSE:]
I never cared about the drama
The drama always got my "hammer"
I came from sunny Alabama
Home of the Minstrel show
I think revues are always "bloomers"
They all depend upon costumers
You can have the plays
That are all the craze
At two dollars a throw

[REFRAIN:]
I'd rather see a minstrel show
Than any other show I know

Oh! those comical folks
With their riddles and jokes

Here is the riddle that I love the best
"Why does a chicken go...?" You know the rest

I'd pawn my overcoat and vest
To see a minstrel show


Follies Minstrels

[Interloc'ter:]
Ladies and gentlemen, be seated
Mister Bones, Mister Bones
How do you feel, Mister Bones?

[Bones:] 
Rattlin'!

[Interloc'ter:]
Mister Bones feels rattlin'!
Ha, ha, ha, ha, that's a good one
Tell a little story, Mister Bones

[Chorus:] 
Tell a little story, Mister Bones

[Bones:]
How can you keep an angry dog from biting you on Monday?

[Interloc'ter:]
That joke is old, the answer is to kill the dog on Sunday

[Bones:]
That's not the way to keep a dog from biting you on Monday

[Interloc'ter:] 
How would you bring the thing about?

[Bones:] 
Have the doggie's teeth pulled out!

[Interloc'ter:] 
Oh, Mister Bones, that's terrible!

[Chorus:] 
Yes, Mister Bones, that's terrible!

[Interloc'ter:]
And now we'll hear the ballad singer's pet
A song we'll ne'er forget
By the barnyard quartette

[Quartette:]
Yes, my darling, you shall be, shall be
Always young and fair to me
That's a song that never will grow old
"Silver threads among the gold"

[Tambo:] 
Mister Interloc'ter

[Interloc'ter:] 
What is wrong with you?

[Tambo:] 
I know of a doctor

[Interloc'ter:] 
Tell about him, do

[Tambo:]
Sad to say, one day he fell
Right into a great big well

[Interloc'ter:] 
That's too bad

[Tambo:] 
It serves him right

[Interloc'ter:] 
Why speak in such a tone?

[Tambo:]
He should have attended to the sick
And let the well alone

[Quartette:]
That's a joke that was told 
By the minstrel men we miss
When Georgie Primrose used to sing 
And dance to a song like this:


Mandy

[VERSE:]
I was strolling out one evening by the silv'ry moon
I could hear somebody singing a familiar tune
So I stopped a while to listen
Not a word I wanted to miss
It was just somebody serenading something like this

[REFRAIN:]
Mandy
There's a minister handy
And it sure would be dandy
If we'd let him make a fee
So don't you linger
Here's the ring for your finger
Isn't it a humdinger?
Come along and let the wedding chimes
Bring happy times
For Mandy and me

[unpublished 2nd VERSE:]
There will be some jubilation for the happy pair
Yes, the best in all creation, joy is in the air
There'll be music at the station 
For to speed them on their way
There will be some celebration on their wedding day

[unpublished counterpoint REFRAIN (more or less):]
Oh, what a wonderful day
Cupid, the parson, he'll say

I'm feeling kind of nervous to hear the wedding service
Now we'll hear the wedding bells, soon we'll hear the baby yells

Wait just a minute, my dear 
I have the ring, never fear

What a fine ovation from all of our relations
Sister and brother, father and mother
And Mandy and me


Harem Life

[Full title: "Harem Life (Outside of that Every Little Thing's All Right)"]

[1st VERSE:]
While trav'ling through Turkey in my dreams
I chanced to stray
Right into a harem and it seems
They let me stay
I spoke to the Sultan's favorite wife
Before I fled
I asked her how she liked harem life
Here's what she said

[REFRAIN:]
Living in a harem, what a life
Ne'er a thought of care or strife

Waiting on the Sultan night and day
Ever ready to obey

He keeps me dancing morning, noon and night
Dancing fills 'im with delight

I am black and blue from the dance I do
But outside of that ev'ry little thing's all right

[2nd VERSE:]
I wanted to know how many wives
The Sultan had
She answered each day a wife arrives
Fresh from Baghdad
How did he continue on that plan
So many years?
She answered "He's just a poor old man
With young ideas"


[PATTER:]
Eight of the Sultan's wives are we
And there are a whole lot more
Weekdays he marries two or three
And Sundays he marries four
He has a hundred agents who
Lead very busy lives
Keep him supplied with wives
And now we'll tell in rhyme
Just how we spend our time

[1]
Ev'ry morning to his bed I bring his toast and tea

[2]
I prepare his bath for that's the job he gave to me

[3]
I massage his brow because he likes my gentle touch

[4]
I then manicure his nails and never hurt him much

[5]
I bring him his slippers ev'ry evening after eight

[6]
I then fetch his cigarettes upon a silver plate

[7]
I arrange his bed at nine, he gets so sleepy then

[8]
I begin to dance and then he's wide awake again

[All:]
And then we all dance to the vision of Salome


I'm The Guy Who Guards The Harem

[VERSE:]
When the Sultan goes out on a spree
He presents me with the harem key
Ev'ry Turk in Turkey envies me
For I've got the best job in Turkey

[REFRAIN:]
I'm the guy who guards the harem
When the Sultan goes away
I'm a conscientious Turk and my heart is in my work
The Sultan tells me that I earn my pay
While he's gone I keep them happy
And it keeps the wheels a-working in my knob
If the Sultan ever saw the way I guard his harem, he
Would go out and engage someone to stand guard over me
I'm the guy who guards the harem
And I wouldn't take a million for my job


Pretty Girl Is Like A Melody, A

[VERSE:]
I have an ear for music
And I have an eye for a maid
I link a pretty girlie
With each pretty tune that's played
They go together like sunny weather
Goes with the month of May
I've studied girls and music
So I'm qualified to say:

[REFRAIN:]
A pretty girl is like a melody
That haunts you night and day

Just like the strain of a haunting refrain
She'll start upon a marathon
And run around your brain

You can't escape, she's in your memory
By morning, night and noon

She will leave you and then come back again
A pretty girl is just like a pretty tune


[PATTER:]
[The Humoresque:]
While a string orchestra played
This lovely tune I met a maid
And from the start she set my brain a-whirl
But alas we parted soon
And now I love to hear this tune
For it reminds me of that certain girl

[Mendelsohn's Spring Song:]
Once I met a girlie at the close of spring
I began to woo her and she answered "Yes" that summer
But when I went out to buy the wedding ring
She left me flat and ran off with a drummer

[Massina's Elegy:]
While the cello moaned tenderly this melody
She said to me "I love you"
When the cello fellow was through he said "Adieu"
She said "Me too" and flew

[Offenbach's Barcarolle from "Tales of Hoffman":]
At the opera she said, "My dear
I love you with all my soul
While the singer's filled up my ear
With Offenbach's Barcarolle
When the music died away her love for me grew cold
And I found she told better tales
Than old Hoffman told

[Schubert Serenade:]
Once to a maid, this sweet serenade
I sang with feeling and grace
I vocalized just how much I prized
Her form and beautiful face
Said to say the maiden's husband
Came with a spade
And ruined my serenade

[Schumann's Traumerei:]
We met one evening at a dance
The band was playing, I was saying
Give me just a chance
She told me of a boy in France
And then she vanished and it banished
My romance


Prohibition

[Father Time:]
A day is born, July the first
And with it comes a shock
John Barleycorn who quenched your thirst
Passed out at twelve o'clock
The mourners come from far and near
Their bitter tears to shed
July the first, prohibition's here
And alcohol is dead

[Mourners:]
Alcohol, alcohol
Sorry to see you go
Alcohol, alcohol
Oh, how we'll miss you so
Fare thee well, fare thee well
Place us in a padded cell
For the country's going to hell
Now that she's going dry, dry, dry
We hate to say goodbye

[Bartenders:]
What are we going to do now?
What are we going to do?
Gone are the beer saloons
And we went with them too
The future now looks very black
Because the future points
To red neck-ties and tennis shirts
And sarsparilla joints
Where are we going to work now?
Maybe before we are through
We'll have to join the soda water crew
We'll have rouge upon our lips
And our hands upon our hips
Heaven help us when we do

[Chorus Girls:]
Gee, but it's gonna be tough for the chorus ladies from now on
How are we going to wrestle a Rolls-Royce from a Jack or John?
A little bit of Haig and Haig while we were having sup
Would help to make the tightest Ebeneezer loosen up
But now it's gonna be tougher
Now we're going to suffer
Now that the town is growing dry

[The Working Man:]
I want my beer, I want my beer
And there are no two ways about it
I want my beer, I want my beer
I won't do any work without it
The working man must have his can
To do his work from year to year
Oh, how I wish again
That I was a fish again
Swimming in an ocean of beer

[Soldiers:]
So, this is the land of the free
That awoke when the U-boats were sinking
And told us to go o'er the sea
And protect her liberty
Now I'm just as true as can be
To my land, but I cannot help from thinking
That I should have stayed in Paree
Where no one dares to interfere with what you're drinking


You Cannot Make Your Shimmy Shake On Tea

[Words by Rennold Wolf & Irving Berlin, Music by Irving Berlin]

[1st VERSE:]
'Tis a sad, sad day for me
This day of lemonade and tea
For now my dancing aspirations haven't got a chance
In the Harlem cabarets
I used to spend my nights and days
Partaking of my favorite indoor sport, the shimmy dance
On the day they introduced their prohibition laws
They just went and ruined the greatest shimmy dancer because

[1st REFRAIN:]
You cannot make your shimmy shake on tea
It simply can't be done
You'll find your shaking ain't taking

Unless you has the proper jazz
That only comes with such drinks as
Green River, Haig and Haig, and Hennessey

Way out in China
Among the pale Chinese
There's nothing finer
Than good old China teas

But then you never saw a Chinaman
A-shaking his chemise
'Cause you cannot make your shimmy shake on tea

[2nd REFRAIN:]
You cannot make your shimmy shake on tea
It simply can't be done
You'll find your shaking ain't taking

The shimmy, it is intricate
And so you needs a little bit
Of Scotch or rye to lubricate your knee

A cup of Ceylon
It may be strong or weak
Won't help you spoil on
Because it's much too meek

Besides, a drink that's soft
Will very often ruin your technique
No, you cannot make your shimmy shake on tea


Near Future, The

[Man:]
How dry I am, how dry I am
It's plain to see just why I am
No alcohol in my highball
And that is why so dry I am
Waiter, Waiter

[Waiter:]
What do you want?  What do you want?

[Man:]
I'm just as thirsty as can be

[Waiter:]
What'll you have?  What'll you have?

[Man:]
Suggest a little drink for me

[Waiter:]
Of the very finest soft drinks we have all the best

[Man:]
I don't know a thing about them
What would you suggest?

[Waiter:]
Have a little Coca-Cola
Really, it's a lovely drink
Percy, Clarence, Reginald, too
They will recommend it to you
Have a little Coca-Cola
It's the very best I think
It isn't alcoholic but you can have a frolic
If you take enough to drink

[Man:]
They are much too dry

[Waiter:]
Then how'd you like to try
Sarsaparilla, try sarsaparilla
Sarsaparilla ought to do
Rockefeller drinks sarsaparilla
And what's good enough for Rockefeller
Is good enough for you

[Man:]
Go and tell John D
His drink won't do for me

[Waiter:]
Then have a little glass of grape juice
It's the only drink to buy
Really, it's fine, simply divine
It's recommended by William J. Bryan
Eve'rybody's drinking grape juice
Ever since the town went dry
I've heard them tell, sir
That grape juice and seltzer
Is just the little drink to try

[Man:]
That won't do, I'm afraid

[Waiter:]
Then try some lemonade
A little lemon, a little sugar
A little vichy and a straw
Makes the very nicest little drink you ever saw
You ought to buy one, come on and try one
For it's the finest drink that's made
Drinks like this'll wet your whistle
Have a glass of lemonade

[Man:]
That won't do I fear
I'd like a glass of beer

[Waiter:]
Then have some Bevo
Have a drink of Bevo
It's the grandest imitation that we know
If you care for beer, it's the drink you should pick
It tastes like lager but it hasn't got the kick

[Bevo Girl:]
Bevo, have a drink of Bevo
Though it hasn't got a punch up it's sleeve-o

[Waiter:]
Those who drink it insist that a Christian Scientist
Could easily come staggering home on Bevo

[Man:]
How dry I am, how dry I am
It's plain to see just why I am
Oh, how I call for alcohol 
And that is why so dry I am

[The Spirit of Alcohol:]
I hear you calling me
I am the Spirit of Alcohol
For let me assure you one and all
I'm not dead, I'm only asleep
Some day I'll come back to you

[Chorus:]
We hope you do, we hope you do

[The Spirit of Alcohol:]
When your laws are not so blue

[Chorus:]
We hope you do, we hope you do

[The Spirit of Alcohol:]
When you give Prohibition your shoe

[Chorus:]
You bet your life we'll kick it
Because it's very wicked

[The Spirit of Alcohol:]
Say to Mister Temperance you're through

[Chorus:]
That's what we'll do, that's what we'll do

[The Spirit of Alcohol:]
I'll come back someday
With a hip, hip hooray
Until I do, I'll give to you
A little cocktail that is new


Syncopated Cocktail, A

[VERSE:]
Now that your drinking days are thru
Come along with me
I've got a brand new jag for you
It's a melody
Syncopated music
Goes right to your head
I'd like to treat you to a cocktail
Before you go to bed
So

[REFRAIN:]
Come along, oh! come along
And have a syncopated cocktail
Come along, oh! come along with me

You'll find that anyone can get a bun
On a jazzy melody
Never mind your cocktail shakers
Just shake your lingerie
Your shimmies

Come along and hum a song
That's bound to make you kind of dizzy
Get a jag upon a raggy melody

They're fascinating, intoxicating
Come along and have a syncopated cocktail with me


My Tambourine Girl

[VERSE:]
I'm in love with a beautiful maid
Sweet as a girl could be
Out in Flanders she came to my aid
A Salvation lassie is she
Strange to say I'd met her before
In the city's mad whirl
'Ere we thought of going to war
I called her my tambourine girl

[REFRAIN:]
I met her on Broadway
With a tambourine in her hand
"Follow on, follow on"
Was her solemn cry to the passersby
I wanted to tell her
But I feared she'd not understand
I bid a fond goodbye to her then
One day in France I met her again
And I told her that I loved her
Out in no man's land


We Made the Doughnuts Over There

We're the girls who made the doughnuts
For the doughboys over there
And they tell us that the doughnuts 
Were life savers everywhere
Follow on and we'll help you
When there's trouble about
For a man may be down but he's never out