Call Me Madam (1950)

Mrs. Sally Adams

Missus Sally Adams 
Requests the pleasure of your company
At a supper and dance
A farewell party 
That she's giving at her house tonight

Missus Sally Adams 
The queen of Washington society
Anybody at all
Who's anybody 
Will be gathered at her house tonight

Missus Sally Adams 
The new ambassador to cross the sea
Missus Sally Adams 
Who says "The hell with formality"

Missus Sally Adams 
Missus Sally Adams 
Makes 'em sing at her parties
And each guest becomes a ham
Giving all that he's got
It may not please the smarties
But she doesn't give a damn
If they like it or not
She is liable to blurt out
The thing that she should ignore
But nobody will care
She can iron a shirt out
That's stuffed with a senator
Or a Congressman there

God bless America
For Missus Sally Adams 
Who wants the pleasure of your company
Glad are we
To accept and root for
Missus Sally Adams 
Queen of all the madams
Madam Ambassador


[REPRISE:]
Missus Sally Adams 
Requests the pleasure of your company
At a supper and dance
A coming home party 
That she's giving at her house tonight

Missus Sally Adams 
Has lost some of her popularity
And the chances are 
That a few somebodys 
Will be missing at her house tonight

Missus Sally Adams 
Is back among us very suddenly
And we're very anxious
To hear what happened there across the sea

We are simply delighted
And happy without a doubt
To be gathering there
Ev'ryone is excited
For maybe we'll hear about
Sally's foreign affair

God bless America
For Missus Sally Adams 
Who wants the pleasure of your company
Glad are we
To accept and root for
Missus Sally Adams 
Queen of all the madams
Madam Ambassador


Hostess with the Mostes' on the Ball, The

[VERSE:]
I was born on a thousand acres of Oklahoma land
Nothing grew on the thousand acres for it was gravel and sand
One day father started digging in a field
Hoping to find some soil
He dug and he dug and what do you think?
Oil, oil, oil
The money rolled in and I rolled out with a fortune piled so high
Washington was my destination
And now who am I?

[1st REFRAIN:]
I'm the chosen party giver 
For the White House clientele
And they know that I deliver
What it takes to make 'em jell
And in Washington I'm known by one and all
As the hostess with the mostes' on the ball

They could go to Elsa Maxwell
When they had an axe to grind
They could always grind their axe well
At the parties she designed
Now the hatchet grinders all prefer to call
On the hostess with the mostes' on the ball

I've a great big bar and good caviar
Yes, the best that can be found
And a large amount in my bank account
When election time comes 'round

If you're feeling presidential
You can make it, yes, indeed
There are just three things essential
Let me tell you all you need
Is an ounce of wisdom and a pound of gall
And the hostess with the mostes' on the ball

[2nd REFRAIN:]
Entertaining vodka drinkers 
Is a job they give to me
Making nice guys out of stinkers 
Seems to be my cup of tea
What they really need behind the iron wall
Is the hostess with the mostes' on the ball

There's a book of regulations 
As to who sits next to who
But there might be complications
When the blue blood's not so blue
So the priestess with the leastes' protocol
Is the hostess with the mostes' on the ball

An Ambassador has just reached the shore
He's a man of many loves
An important gent from the Orient
To be handled with kid gloves

He can come and let his hair down
Have the best time of his life
Even bring his new affair down
Introduce her as his wife
But she mustn't leave her panties in the hall
For the hostess who's the hostess with the mostes' on the ball

[ENCORE:]
I've been highly complimented
And I thank you what is more
You'll be damned well represented
By your new ambassador
For my one ambition is to make them fall
For the hostess with the mostes' on the ball

In the handbag that I'll carry
There's a precious little note
To their highnesses from Harry
Introducing me he wrote:
"I'll appreciate a favor large or small
For the hostess with the mostes' on the ball"

There'll be no mistakes, I've got what it takes
To make friends across the sea
I'll make being smart an important part
Of my foreign policy

I'll cement our good relations
When I give my first affair
There'll be special invitations
To the Duke and Duchess there
Who's already written asking them to call
Not the priestess with the leastes'
But the hostess who's the hostess with the mostes' on the ball


Washington Square Dance, The

Square dance
The Washington Square dance
Republicans make up with the Democrats
Show those foreign diplomats
That you dare dance
The Washington Square dance

No matter which side you're on or where you stand
Take your partner by the hand 
And each pair dance
The Washington Square dance

The theme is a get-together policy
Show your friends across the sea
It's a fair dance
The Washington Square dance

The rules are the same as cricket, golf or squash
No fair cheatin' 'cause the Wash-
-ington Square dance is square

-Bow to your partners, bow to your corners
Dance till your cheeks are red as a rose
But try not to step on your partner's toes
-Now, duck for the oyster, dig for the clam
Duck for the oyster, dig for the clam
But do your diggin' for Uncle Sam
-One for the money, two for the show
One for the money, two for the show
Three to make ready for Uncle Joe
-Republicans over to the right
-Democrats over to the left
The left meet the right and don't explode
Try to find the middle of the road

And square dance, the Washington Square dance
Be careful, you'll have to watch your step, by gosh!
No round heels because the Wash-
-ington Square dance is square


Lichtenburg

[VERSE:]
I don't think you know much about us
Except, of course, our famous Lichtenburg cheese
I know very well you enjoy it
And we would enjoy it too
But we can't afford it for we must have money
And so we send it to you
But Lichtenburg won't be offended
We'll manage to stay alive
We're not very touchy
This quaint little duchy
That somehow seems to survive

[REFRAIN:]
Too small to be a city
Too big to be a town
Too poor to have an army 
And too easy to knock down

Too little to sell across the seas
Babies and cheese are our main industries

Too slow to please the young folk 
Too fast to please the old
Too many who have copper pennies
Too few who have gold

But somehow we manage to play the game
While the other lands keep changing hands
Old Lichtenburg stays the same


Can You Use Any Money Today?

[1st REFRAIN:]
Money, money, money, money, money, money
Can you use any money today?
Money, money, money, money, money, money
Nice new bills that we're giving away

There are photographs on ev'ry one
Lincoln, Grant and Washington
Or you might like the ones with Henry Clay
Can you use any money today?

Two million, four million, six million, eight million, ten
Take what you want, when it's gone you can come back again

Bills that haven't been printed yet
You can have them by the sack
Coins that haven't been minted yet 
That you never have to give back

Money, money, money, money, money, money
Uncle Sam puts it right on the line
And if we ever run out of checks for him to sign
You can have mine
All of mine
You can have mine

[2nd REFRAIN:]
Money, money, money, money, money, money
Can you use any dollars today?
Money, money, money, money, money, money
We've so much that it gets in our way

In our Treas'ry there's a mighty sum
Millions we've subtracted from
The envelopes that hold our take home pay
Can you use any money today?

Home in the states underground there's a cave full of gold
Back up a truck and we'll fill it with all it can hold
Take ten million and please don't fuss
If you find it can't be spent
You can lend it right back to us
And we'll pay you seven percent

Money, money, money, money, money, money
Uncle Sam puts it right on the line
And if that feller with whiskers ever should decline
You can have mine
All of mine
You can have mine


Marrying for Love

[VERSE:]
Ten generations of Constantins
Lived very comf'table lives
They were contented to live in style 
Supported by their wives
Daughters of men who were wealthy 
Fitted them like a glove
They all married for money
I mean to marry for love

[REFRAIN:]
It's an old-fashioned idea, marrying for love
And that old-fashioned idea's what I'm thinking of

Where there's love, poets have said
Two can live as one
That's an old-fashioned idea 
But it's being done

When I find the man that I'm crazy about
There's much that I could do without
But I couldn't do without love

Just an old-fashioned romance with a moon above
A romance, one that will end marrying for love
That's the kind of love
That I'm thinking of


[alternate bridge for male:]
If she must have gold, let it be in her hair
Rubies, let them be in her lips
Diamonds, let them shine in her eyes


Ocarina, The

[VERSE:]
Listen to the ocarina play
Listen, don't you seem to hear it say

[REFRAIN:]
Dance to the music of the ocarina
Ocarina, ocarina
Gretchen and Otto, Hans and Wilhelmina
Dance to the ocarina dance

Dance to the music of the sweet potata
Sweet potata, sweet potata
Cheeks gettin' redder than a ripe tomata
Dance to the ocarina dance

Listen and hear the notes escaping
Out of that tiny hole
Doesn't it please your soul?
Doesn't it say, "Dance the polka"?

Step to the music of the ocarina
Who refuses?  Wilhelmina?
Wait till she listens to the ocarina
I know that Wilhelmina will


It's a Lovely Day Today

[1st REFRAIN:]
It's a lovely day today
So whatever you've got to do
You've got a lovely day to do it in, that's true

And I hope whatever you've got to do
Is something that can be done by two
For I'd really like to stay

It's a lovely day today
And whatever you've got to do
I'd be so happy to be doing it with you

But if you've got something that must be done
And it can only be done by one
There is nothing more to say
Except it's a lovely day for saying
It's a lovely day

[2nd REFRAIN:]
It's a lovely day today
And whatever I've got to do
I've got a lovely day to do it in, that's true

But perhaps whatever I've got to do
Is something that can be done by two
If it is then you could stay

It's a lovely day today
But you're probably busy too
So I suppose there's nothing we can do

For if you've got something that must be done
And it can only be done by one
There is nothing more to say
Except it's a lovely day for saying
It's a lovely day

[3]
It's a lovely day today
If you've something that must get done
Now don't forget two heads are better than just one

And besides I'm certain if you knew me
You'd find I'm very good company
Won't you kindly let me stay?

[4]
It's a lovely day today
And whatever we've got to do
We've got a lovely day to do it in, that's true

And I know whatever we've got to do
Is something that can be done by two

I'll say it's a lovely day for saying
It's a lovely day


Best Thing For You Would Be Me, The

[VERSE:]
Please let me say from the start
I don't pretend to be smart
I just suggest what I think best
Having your int'rest at heart

[REFRAIN:]
I only want what's the best thing for you
And the best thing for you would be me

I've been convinced after thinking it through
That the best thing for you would be me


Ev'ry day 
To myself I say
Point the way
What will it be

I ask myself what's the best thing for you
And myself and I seem to agree
That the best thing for you would be me


Something to Dance About

[VERSE:]
An old hand at giving parties
And I've learned an awful lot
The best reason for a party
And what keeps it boiling hot
An occasion when you've got

[REFRAIN:]
Something to dance about
Someone to dance it with
Something to dance it to
To a fox-trot or a waltz

Put on your dancing shoes
Here comes some happy news
Break up in twos and twos
To a fox-trot or a waltz

You and someone have parted 
And your lonely heart yearns
While you're there broken hearted
Suddenly he returns

That's something to dance about
With someone to dance it with
Pick something to dance it to
To a fox-trot or a waltz
To a Charleston or a waltz
To a Tango or a waltz

[Blues tempo:]
Dance to the blues
Something to dance about
Someone to dance it with
Something to dance it to Blues

[Rhumba tempo:]
Dance it to a rhumba
Ah

[Coda:]
To a fox-trot, Charleston, Tango or a waltz
Ooh-ah, ooh-ah


Once Upon a Time Today

[VERSE:]
I would like you to listen
Pay attention and listen
To a story that's old, but never stale
I would like you to listen
Pay attention and listen
To a twentieth century fairy tale

[REFRAIN:]
Once there was a princess
Once there was a guy
And they fell in love one wonderful day

But she was a princess
He was just a guy
So there was the royal devil to pay

They were ordered not to speak to one another
And they knew the sorrow that would bring
Still, they promised not to speak to one another
But they didn't promise not to sing

So beneath her window tenderly he sang
All the things he promised never to say
Once upon a time today

[2nd REFRAIN:]
He collected lots of corny little phrases
Like "I love you, dear" and "You're for me"
But he found that when he set them all to music
They were just as good as poetry

So beneath her window tenderly he sang
"How about that happy ending in May?"
Once upon a time today

[British version substitutes "ordinary" for "corny little"]



They Like Ike

[1st VERSE:]
The presidential year will soon be drawing near
The people soon will choose their fav'rite son
I wonder what they'll do in Nineteen fifty-two
I wonder who they'll send to Washington

[1st REFRAIN:]
They like Ike
And Ike is good on a mike
They like Ike
-But Ike says he don't wanna

That makes Ike
The kind o' feller they like
And what's more
They seem to think he's gonna

-But Harry won't get out
-They're in for plenty of fights
-Harry won't get out
-He's got squatter's rights

But there's Ike
And Ike is good on a mike
And they know
The votes that he can carry
-But don't forget there's Harry
But they like Ike

[2nd VERSE:]
They won't take Saltonstall and Stassen's chance is small
The same would go for Vandenberg and Taft
And Dewey's right in line with William Jennings Bryan
There isn't anyone that they can draft

[2nd REFRAIN:]
They like Ike
And Ike is good on a mike
They like Ike
-But Ike says he won't take it

That makes Ike
The kind o' feller they like
And what's more
They seem to think he'll make it

-But Harry's on the ground
-And should Republicans win
-When they come around 
-He won't let them in

If it's Ike
Your Chief can get on his bike
And his things
A moving van will carry
-They can't do that to Harry!
But they like Ike

[3rd VERSE:]
For nearly twenty years we've had the people's cheers
The Democrats continue to advance
Of course, they could arrange to make a sudden change
But no one's 'round who seems to have a chance

[3rd REFRAIN:]
They like Ike
And Ike is good on a mike
They like Ike
-But Ike says he's not bidding

That makes Ike
The kind o' feller they like
And what's more
They seem to think he's kidding

-But Harry won't consent
-They'll get a sock on the jaw
-Republican President?
-That's against the law

If it's Ike
Your Chief can go on a hike
And we boys
Will see he doesn't tarry
-Please don't do that to Harry!
But they like Ike

[4th VERSE:]
With your permission, sir, we're anxious to confer
And we would like to do it privately
Go on and make your crack, I'll even turn my back
But if you're speaking of the G.O.P.

[4th REFRAIN:]
They like Ike
And Ike is good on a mike
They like Ike
-But Ike says he'll reject it

That makes Ike
The kind o' feller they like
And what's more
They think he'll be elected

-But Harry won't give in
-Defeat he'll never admit
-No one else can win
-He won't stand for it

If it's Ike
Your Chief can get on his bike
Two years more
The month of January
-They can't do that to Harry!
But they like Ike

[5th VERSE:]
It seems that ev'ry Spring they all approach the ring
And cockily keep throwing in their hats
They always lose but then they come right back again
And some of them come back as Democrats

[5th REFRAIN:]
They like Ike
And Ike is good on a mike
They like Ike
-But Ike says he don't choose to

That makes Ike
The kind o' feller they like
And what's more
They know he won't refuse to

-But Harry is content
-To stay there living in peace
-The people pay the rent
-You can't break his lease

If it's Ike
Your Chief can go on a strike
And we boys 
Will hand his hat to Harry
-You can't do that to Harry!
But they like Ike


(I Wonder Why) You're Just in Love

[Kenneth's REFRAIN:]
I hear singing and there's no one there
I smell blossoms and the trees are bare
All day long I seem to walk on air
I wonder why
I wonder why
I keep tossing in my sleep at night 
And what's more I've lost my appetite
Stars that used to twinkle in the skies
Are twinkling in my eyes
I wonder why

[Sally's REFRAIN (in counterpoint):]
You don't need analyzing
It is not so surprising
That you feel very strange but nice
Your heart goes pitter patter
I know just what's the matter
Because I've been there once or twice
Put your head on my shoulder
You need someone who's older
A rubdown with a velvet glove
There is nothing you can take
To relieve that pleasant ache
You're not sick 
You're just in love


1952

For the Very First Time

For the very first time, I find for the first time
I'm head over heels in love

For the very first time, I know that the last time
Was ev'rything else but love

For the very first time, there won't be a next time
My romancing days are all through

All my love affairing was simply preparing
To love, for the first time, you


I Like Ike

I like Ike
I'll shout it over a mike
Or a phone
Or from the highest steeple

I like Ike
And Ike is easy to like
Stands alone
The choice of "We the People"

A leader we can call
Without political noise
He can lead us all
As he led the boys

Let's take Ike
A man we all of us like
Makes no deals
His favors can't be curried
And Uncle Joe is worried
'Cause we like Ike


[alternate last lines:]
Tried and true
Courageous, strong and human
Why, even Harrry Truman
Says, "I like Ike"