If You Haven't Got an Ear for Music
[1st REFRAIN:]
What good is a fancy motorcar?
If you haven't got an ear for music, you haven't got a thing at all
What good is a ton of caviar?
If you haven't got an ear for music, you haven't got a thing at all
What good is a sack of gold
If a jazz band leaves you cold?
What good is a mansion large or small?
If you haven't got an ear for music, you haven't got a thing at all
[2nd REFRAIN:]
What good is a sable or a mink?
If you haven't got an ear for music, you haven't got a thing at all
What good is that extra midnight drink?
If you haven't got an ear for music, you haven't got a thing at all
When I journey to the moon
I won't go without a tune
What good is a party or a ball?
If you haven't got an ear for music, you haven't got a thing at all
You haven't got a thing at all
You haven't got a thing at all
Mr. President (1962)
Empty Pockets Filled with Love
[1st REFRAIN:]
Empty pockets but a heart full of love
A heart full of love for you
Cash not any, not one red penny
But kisses many for you
Empty pockets but a heart beating fast
As fast as the stars above
Please say that you'll get by with just a guy
With empty pockets filled with love
[2nd REFRAIN, sung in counterpoint:]
You can't eat love, you can't drink love
You can't wear love like you would a gown
I trust love but just love
Won't pay for caviar
Won't buy that motor car
Or a house in town
You can't spend love, you can't lend love
You must end love when the chips are down
Love flies out the window when there's nothing to eat
Nothing to drink, nothing to wear but a frown
And the chips are down
The First Lady
[VERSE:]
She might have been a teacher
A job that she'd adore . . .
She might have been a housewife
A wife and nothing more
She might have been an actress
Who might have played Broadway
But my husband had to be President
And what am I today?
[1st REFRAIN:]
I'm the first lady of the land
The first lady of the land
Standing on a receiving line
Winding up with an aching spine
Calluses on my receiving hand
As the first lady of the land
For every week a different hairdo
Which means another dress
Those meetings with committees
And sparring with the press
Those dreary formal dinners,
When I stay up till dawn
Counting all the silver
When the guests have gone
When they march out in single file
And I must smile, smile, smile
I'd rather be the second
Or the third or the fourth
Or the fifth or the sixth
Or the seventh instead of the first lady of the land
[2nd REFRAIN:]
I'm the first lady of the land
The first lady of the land
Entertaining at lunch or tea
Do do-gooders who call on me
Telling of their noble deeds they've planned
For the first lady of the land
And oh the presents that they send me
An awful lot of junk
An un-housebroken poodle
A dehydrated skunk
A turkey for Thanksgiving
Potatas in a sack
But when they send me a diamond
I must send it back
When the whole cabinet arrives
And bring their wives, wives, wives
I'd rather be the second
Or the third or the fourth
Or the fifth or the sixth
Or the seventh instead of the first lady of the land
I'm Gonna Get Him
[VERSE:]
When I was a kid
And I wanted a doll I got it
Don't ask how I did but when I was a kid
And I wanted a doll I got it
I carefully laid out a plan
When I were a kid 'twas a doll
And now it's a man
[1st REFRAIN:]
I'm gonna get him, I'm gonna get him
Instead of giving up and throwing in the towel
I'm gonna keep on fighting fair or foul
Until I get him, I'm gonna get him
I'm gonna wear my jewels and my ermine wrap
And if I have to drop my shoulder strap
I'm gonna get him, I'm gonna get him
And when I've got him where I think he oughta be
I'm gonna love him, love him
My mission in life will be to love him until he loves me
[2nd REFRAIN:]
I'm gonna get him, I'm gonna get him
I'll back him in a corner till he squirms and twists
And if I must put handcuffs on his wrists
I'm gonna get him, I'm gonna get him
He'll know the facts of life and when he understands
I'll put a shotgun in my father's hands
And that'll get him, I'm gonna get him
And when I've got him where I think he oughta be
I'm gonna hug him, hug him
I'll hug em and if I have to slug him
He's gonna love, he's gonna love, he's gonna love me
[alternate VERSE:]
When you were a kid
And you wanted a doll you got it
Don't ask how you did but when you were a kid
And you wanted a doll you got it
You carefully laid out a plan
When you were a kid 'twas a doll
And now it's a man
In Our Hide-Away
In our hide-away, far from all the fuss that bothers us
We'll hide-away, we two
In our hide-away, we'll be all alone, no telephone
To worry me or you
We will have a ball
Busy doin' nothing at all
In our hide-away, we will lock the door and throw away the key
What a holiday, our hide-away will be
The Only Dance I Know (Song for Belly Dancer)
[VERSE:]
My youth was spent in the Orient
Where they never taught me to waltz
You'd be surprised when I exercised
It was never done to a waltz
It was done like this
But never to a waltz
[1st REFRAIN:]
In ancient Siam, women like I am
Indoors or on the street
No woman dances with her feet
Egyptian, Persian, only one version
No other stands a chance
Feet are for walking, not for dance
To an oriental fiddle,
You can see them shake their middle
The feet don't mean a thing
Middles are all they swing
Even an Egyptian mummy
Wiggles her tummy
Wiggles it so and so
That is the only dance I know
[2nd REFRAIN:]
You don't need an Arthur Murray
Just a fringe that's on the surrey
Will satisfy your needs
Dancing between the beads
Everybody shake your torso
Sexy but more so
Shake it, come on, let's go
Let's do the only dance I know
Pigtails and Freckles
Pigtails and freckles, braces on your teeth
Who would have thought you would turn out so beautiful?
Awkward and bashful, scared right from the start
Who would have thought you would turn out so smart?
Changes, many changes, since I first looked at you,
Funny, very funny, what a few years can do
Pigtails and freckles, braces on your teeth
Who would have thought they'd become so sublime?
I would have thought, for I thought so all the time
The Secret Service
[1st REFRAIN:]
The secret service makes me nervous
When I am dating they are waiting to observe us
When I get ready to hold steady for the kiss you plant
The secret service makes me nervous and I can't
They're always spying, no denying
They're always peeping, gumshoe creeping, private eye-ing
When I'm beginning to give-inning like a maiden aunt
The secret service makes me nervous and I can't
I've been exposed beyond control
Just like a goldfish in a bowl
The President's daughter must drink water
No drink of Scotch, she might do what she hadn't oughter
When I'm ignited, so excited that I start to pant
The secret service makes me nervous
When my lamps are lit and I say "This is it!"
The secret service makes me nervous and I can't
[2nd REFRAIN:]
The secret service makes me nervous
Those White House "dicks" get all their kicks when they observe us
Just as I wind up, make my mind up not to say "I won't"
The secret service makes me nervous and I don't
When things look rosy they get nosy
They'll say there's "tootsie" playing "footsie" very cosy
My pulse goes higher, I'm on fire, shaking at the knees
The secret service makes me nervous and I freeze
Whatever I may do or say
Will be reported the next day
They don't see clearly when I'm merely being courted
When I'm just necking, simply pecking with a "Cary Grant"
They stand behind me to remind me
Who and what I am when I don't give a damn
The secret service makes me nervous and I can't
They Love Me
[VERSE:]
Oh! What a trip
What a wonderful trip
And to think that I was worried
At the start of the trip
I must confess that I was filled with doubt
But there was really nothing to worry about
[1st REFRAIN:]
They love me, they love me
I'm welcome everywhere with open arms
They love me, they love me
I never knew I had so many charms
In Pakistan they took me sailing on a lovely lake
In India they let me see a mongoose kill a snake
Because they love me, they love me
And they want me to come back again
[2nd REFRAIN:]
They love me, they love me
In Tokyo they think that I'm a dream
They claimed me and named me
"America's Ambassador Supreme"
They always have a banquet on the day that I arrive
In Borneo they made me eat an octopus alive
Because they love me, they love me
And they want me to come back again
[3rd REFRAIN:]
They love me, they love me
With every place I visit it's the same
They meet me and greet me
With every kind of present you can name
A chieftain in New Guinea with his forehead painted red
Presented me with a poison arrow and a shrunken head
Because they love me, oh they love me
And they want me to come back again
[3rd REFRAIN:]
They love me, they love me
I smile when I'm presented with a key
In Thailand 'twas my land
I spent a happy day from two to three
The day I left Arabia my seat was full of bumps
They made me ride a camel where I sat between the humps
Because they love me, they love me
And they want me to come back
They want me to come back
They want me to come back again