[1st VERSE:] Barnum and Bailey were wonderful showmen In the theatrical world there are no men Who would claim to be their equal And the sequel Was, they made the "tin," packed them in ev'ry season I know it well and I'll tell you the reason They were a pair of handbill throwers Horn blowers You must talk about yourself Or they'll put you on the shelf [REFRAIN:] Blow your horn Let 'em know you're comin' Blow your horn That'll start 'em hummin' Just make a whole lot of noise The only way to collar ev'ry dollar is to holler Mister Barnum said Ev'ry other minute There's another one born You'll strike it Just like Barnum Make 'em like it Gosh darn 'em Yell out You'll sell out If you'll only blow your horn [2nd VERSE:] Some people argue against advertising How they can feel as they do is surprising I'm a walking eight sheet poster I'm a boaster The red, white and blue and its value was doubted Till Georgie Cohan started singing about it Now, ev'ryone who was against it Commenced it You will be a household word If you just make yourself heard
[1st VERSE:] When I was young My father said to me "Learn a trade Learn a trade Do me a favor and become an engraver For engravers are well-paid If I'd have done what father wanted Imagine what I'd miss There is no doubt I was cut out For a life like this [1st REFRAIN:] I come around to the theatre in my automobile Singing, "This is the life, this is the life" Surrounded by chorus ladies in the troupe I spend all my time in a chicken coop They come to my dressing room as cute as can be Saying "Won't you hook up my dress for me?" And it makes me mad to think my dear old dad Wanted me to learn a trade [2nd VERSE:] When I come out With lots of powder upon my sleeve On my sleeve Somebody rested on my new double-breasted I believe you've got me, Steve I always kiss the prima donna In every we scene we act Leave it to me That has to be It's in my contract [2nd REFRAIN:] I leave the show ev'ry evening in my automobile Singing, "This is the life, this is the life" My supper consists of chicken a la King I get indigestion and everything A ring on my finger with a four carat stone Twenty payments more and it's all my own And it makes me mad to think my dear old dad Wanted me to learn a trade
[1st VERSE:] My head's in a dizzy whirl Since I met a certain girl There isn't another like her She's a matchless pearl Since I met this maid divine I do nothing else but pine Because I know she never could be mine [REFRAIN:] The girl I love Is on a magazine cover It seems they painted her just for me I'd fall in love If I could ever discover A little girl quite as nice as she If I could meet A girl as sweet I'd simply claim her And name her my queen For if she ever came I would love her the same As I love her on the cover of a magazine [2nd VERSE:] My home is a picture book If ever you came to look You'd find her in ev'ry corner And in ev'ry nook She's fairer than all the queens And loving her simply means That I'm kept busy buying magazines
[1st VERSE:] As a child I went wild when a band played How I ran to the man when his hand swayed Clarinets were my pets, and a slide trombone I thought was simply divine But today when they play I could hiss them Ev'ry bar is a jar to my system But there's one musical instrument that I call mine [REFRAIN:] I love a piano, I love a piano I love to hear somebody play Upon a piano, a grand piano It simply carries me away I know a fine way to treat a Steinway I love to run my fingers o'er the keys, the ivories And with the pedal I love to meddle When Padarewski comes this way I'm so delighted if I'm invited To hear that long haired genius play So you can keep your fiddle and your bow Give me a P-I-A-N-O, oh, oh I love to stop right beside an upright Or a high toned Baby Grand [2nd VERSE:] When a green Tetrazine starts to warble I grow cold as an old piece of marble I allude to the crude little party singer who don't know when to pause At her best I detest the soprano But I run to the one at the piano I always love the accomp'niment and that's because [alternate lines:] Not only music from Broadway I'm so delighted if I'm invited To hear a long haired genius play
[1st VERSE:] Underneath the sad Hawaiian moon Where the sad Hawaiians love to spoon While the Ukeleles strum a tune Ev'ry evening you can see them doing [REFRAIN:] That Hula Hula Have you seen them do the Hula In Honolula The way they do? I know if you knew How to do the Hula Hula You'd be in Honolula Doing the Hula, too [2nd VERSE:] I can teach you how to do the dance Tell me, would you like to take a chance? Shake your hands, quietly advance In another minute you'll be doing
[1st VERSE:] Let's take a stroll up the avenue Dearie, I love to be seen with you Showing off is one of my joys Let me show you off to the boys You'll never guess what they say and do When I am out with you [REFRAIN:] I've seen them stare as we're passing by I've seen them glare with a jealous eye Let me tell you that I'm all in clover When I notice how they look you over I've heard them cry, "It's the very best!" Now you know why I throw out my chest You beautiful thing, I'm as proud as a king When I'm out with you [2nd VERSE:] I like your clothes 'cause I think they're great You're the original fashion plate Always something diff'rent to show All dressed and someplace to go If I'm conceited, don't think it queer There is a reason, dear
[1st VERSE:] The girls are over-dressing It keeps the fellows guessing I've heard them say the gowns today Are really most distressing Your ankle is detested If you have over-dressed it A man must see an inch or three To keep him interested An ankle now and then Will catch the best of men [REFRAIN:] So take off a little bit A tiny little bit and nothing more Just raise your dress up a little bit Don't let it drag along the floor Because a banker, a broker, a lawyer, a sport They always look longer when dresses are short So take off a little bit If you don't make a "hit" Take off a little bit more [2nd VERSE:] You'll be the main attraction And put the boys in action They'll linger nigh, you'll catch them by Removing just a fraction The chicken pickin' jury Will go into a fury If they can't see an inch or three They all come from Missouri 'Twas said by someone wise "It pays to advertise"
[1st VERSE:] [GIRL:] I had a diff'rent teacher ev'ry year They taught me ev'rything and yet I fear My education's been neglected, dear They never taught me to love [BOY:] I don't know that much about Geography Grammar, Arithmetic or History But I know ev'rything about love from A to Z [REFRAIN:] [GIRL:] Teach me how to love, I'd like to know, sir [BOY:] If you want to love, come over closer [GIRL:] Do you know the game, dear? [BOY:] That's my middle name, dear [GIRL:] Call me turtle dove, I'd like to hear it [BOY:] It will fit you like a glove [GIRL:] I'd like to know a teeny weeny bit about it [BOY:] I could explain it to you, if your lips were pouted [ENSEMBLE:] Look at 'em doin' it! [BOY:] Hold steady! [ENSEMBLE:] Look at 'em doin' it! [GIRL:] Oh, oh, it's very good, Eddy Won't you teach me some more? [2nd VERSE:] [GIRL:] How many lessons do you think I'll need? [BOY:] Not many lessons if you'll only heed [GIRL:] You know a lot about it, yes, indeed [BOY:] I've taken lessons for years [GIRL:] I'd like to understand it through and through [BOY:] Practice makes perfect, so it's up to you [GIRL:] I'm waiting [BOY:] 'Twon't be long before you're a teacher, too
[1st VERSE:] Do you know just who we are If you don't, look at that star We're the Constabules And we're no darned fools There are speeders in the town And we're here to run them down They ran like the dickens And they killed four chickens That belonged to Farmer Brown We've got a darned good clue The car was painted blue [REFRAIN:] We're the county sheriffs And the law must be obeyed When they speed in an automobile You can hear us holler, "Whoa, Bill" Any time we catch them There's a fine that must be paid So we must arrest those gents The jail house needs a fence It'll cost us sixty cents So the law must be obeyed [2nd VERSE:] We will catch them yet, by heck! If it makes us both a wreck When we do, you bet They'll be all upset There was one that wore a cap Like a gosh darned sporty chap No doubt from the city 'Cause a gal quite pretty Was a-sittin' on his lap Don't be one bit surprised You may find us disguised
[1st VERSE:] I've been on the go for a month or so Now my heart begins to yearn For the U.S.A. many miles away And I'm anxious to return I have been around, covered lots of ground But it don't appeal to me Seeing sights abroad is an awful fraud I'm as homesick as can be [REFRAIN:] When I get back home again to the U.S.A. In the land of peace and freedom I intend to stay Somehow I never feel at home when I'm away from there, anywhere No other nation in this creation would ever do for me I guess I'm cranky 'cause I'm a yankee but then I'm proud to be On the pier you'll hear me shouting "Hip, Hip, Hooray" When I get back to the U.S.A. [2nd VERSE:] There is not a thing in the song I sing That has not been sung before It's a story old that has oft been told In a thousand songs or more But when I salaam to my Uncle Sam In the good old U.S.A. It is not because I would ask applause But because I feel that way [REFRAIN is sung in counterpoint to "My Country 'Tis of Thee":] My country! 'tis of thee Sweet land of liberty Of thee I sing Land where my fathers died Land of the pilgrim's pride From every mountainside Let freedom ring
[1st VERSE:] Love will make a fool of any man, it has been said No one can advise him, for his heart will rule his head He names the wedding day, just throws himself away Before the wedding all his friends will come to him and say [1st REFRAIN:] Stop! Look! Listen to a friend's advice Better look before you leap Or you'll be in water deep For God's sake don't get married, don't give up your name Then he'll stop, look, listen to his friend's advice But he'll go out and marry just the same [2nd VERSE:] Mister Brown, a widower, was handing out advice To his son who fell in love with someone very nice He whispered to the lad, "To marry would be bad I know just what I'm saying, take a tip from your old Dad [2nd REFRAIN:] Stop! Look! Listen to a Dad's advice She's a nice girl, that is true But she'll never do for you So tie a can to Cupid, lay him on the shelf" Then he stopped, looked, listened to his Dad's advice While his Dad went out and married her himself [3rd VERSE:] There's a railroad on Long Island not so far away Accidents occur there almost ev'ry other day The man who owns the line has said, "The fault's not mine Because at ev'ry railroad crossing you will find this sign [3rd REFRAIN:] Stop! Look! Listen! Always safety first" If there were no such display You would pass along your way But they insist you linger by the railroad track So you stop, look, listen, then you hear a crash And the next day your fam'ly's dressed in black [alternate line:] But they want you to linger by the railroad track
[1st VERSE:] People here are going wild Every woman, man and child Has some ragtime on the brain Every band and orchestra Playing in America Plays a syncopated strain It's floating in the air You hear it everywhere [REFRAIN:] Everything in America is ragtime They talk in ragtime It seems to be the fashion Their only passion is swaying to and fro Snapping fingers so Acting as though they were having a jag-time The U.S.A. is a land of syncopation It seems the nation Is just a million acres Of shoulder shakers Composers, just as thick as bees Writing raggy melodies They're even making Gaby Deslys sing ragtime [2nd VERSE:] In the subway every night Folks start swaying left and right While they read the evening news When a baby starts to cry Longing for a lullaby Mother sings the Memphis Blues You can't drive it away Because it's here to stay
[1st VERSE:] A pair of sailor boys are we We sail across the angry sea Ya Ho! Ya Ho! To prove we're sailor boys all right We smoke a hornpipe every night Ya Ho! Ya Ho! We really hate the ocean 'cause it's all around the place We only use it when we have to wash the captain's face Of that we shouldn't really speak He only washes once a week Ya Ho! Ya Ho! [REFRAIN:] While we go sailing, sailing over the ocean blue We're sailors thro' and thro' The best you ever knew If you doubt the story we're telling you Any chorus girl can tell you we're sailors As we go sailing, sailing What do you think we do? We flirt with ev'ry mermaid on Fifth Avenue Our fathers lost a fortune down in Wall Street So they both insisted we become a couple of sailors, too [2nd VERSE:] It makes no difference where we are We always like to strike a bar Ya Ho! Ya Ho! We stand in line to quench our thirst The second mate is always first Ya Ho! Ya Ho! The steward has an anchor tattooed near his vocal chord So when we want to stop the ship we throw him overboard We tie him to an iron chain So we can pull him up again Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
[1st VERSE:] Come over closer, my dear Come over here I've a confession to make Long before I met you I have loved quite a few There have been many sweet girls I cared for Tho' 'twas all long ago It's only fair you should know [REFRAIN:] I loved a lovely girl in London I loved a peach in Spain I used to pet a brunette while in gay Paree I was fond of a blonde while in Germany While in Japan I met a Geisha I thought I loved her too I've loved a diff'rent girl in ev'ry land I've sampled kisses, dear, of ev'ry brand But I never really fell in love, dear Until I fell in love with you [2nd VERSE:] I'm very glad you confessed Tho' I'd have guessed You're only human, dear boy Don't you worry, my dear There is nothing to fear Ev'ryone flirts till they meet the right one It is all in the game I have been doing the same